Sunday, July 17, 2005Hungry Man
I am a poor college student, and I have a very fast metabolism, and therefore the only way to survive is to maximize the amount of calories I get per dollar. My most recent quota is 200 calories per dollar, which is reasonably easy to meet and allows me two luxuries: shopping at Ralphs instead of catching a bus to Costco, and having something green in my food. However, sometimes I am forced to search amongst the microwaveable food section, because I do not want to cook dinner every single day.
The microwaveable food section, contained in large rows of freezers with transparent glass doors, that either slide or open on hinges depending on which is most inconvenient, is one of the most depressing sections at the food store. This area can be divided as such:
1.02% ice cream.
0.98% snacks.
97.6% lean cuisine.
0.04% hungry man.
Lean cuisine, for any readers living in third world countries smooching wireless off the 5-star hotel next door, is a detestable boxed meal that is approximately 400 calories and costs anywhere from 2.50 to 3.50 American dollars. I know, you're thinking: that the shit your son makes in factories for 35 yakas a month (1.2 cent equivalent) sells for 7292 yakas per box--it isn't even 1/4 of the daily required caloric value--and that you are shocked, shocked by the waste of white women who only have to worry about diabetes and cancer when they are 75 instead of starvation and disease when they are 7.5 months. Prenatal. I completely agree with you.
This is why, I am a loyal customer of Hungry Man. For just 3.99, one gets approximately 1,000 calories of food. I know, that this is still horrible for anyone who owns a car or builds one, but for a college student living in an expensive city, Hungry Man is the way to go. Thank you, fat white men, for not listening to your fat white women, and making this possible for me. For all of us. God bless America.
Posted by Michael Gao
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